The Ugly Duckling

We start with a well-known timeless classic, "The Ugly Duckling", where a swan's egg is hatched by a duck and the baby swan is then thought to be a very ugly duckling. It's a tale about how one's value can shift depending on the context and who we have around us. It also draws our attention to the importance our society gives to appearances:

"It is not pretty, but it has a really good diposition, and swims as well as any other; I may even say it swims better. I think it will grow up pretty and become smaller in time; it has lain too long in the egg, and therefore is not properly shaped. (...) I think he will be very strong: he makes his way already."

The mother duck defends that her duckling actually has a nice personality, that he's just as healthy and active as other ducklings and that, in time, it should grow up strong and, eventually, beautiful. But the other birds don't seem to care. "Aaaargggh my eyes! I cannot stand such ugliness!", that's almost what they seem to be saying. Packaging over content, that's their motto. And so is often our society's, especially when it comes to women. If you look weird, different or, goodness forbid, ugly, your worth goes down a lot more than if you were simply burdened with some character flaws. Because, after all, we do judge a book by its cover. Beauty is still seen as some sort of sign of heavenly approval and not simply a matter of being lucky enough to be born with the right genes and in the right environment (money often does wonders for one's appearance).

Our worth is also often judged by how similar in disposition and ideals, or not, we are to those around us:

"Only take care that you learn to lay eggs, or to purr and give out sparks!"

Are we good at what is valued by the group? Do we enjoy the same activities? Do we entertain the same opinions? If you stray from the norm you may be socially excluded, especially when surrounded by those of small horizons who have little knowledge of worlds outside of their own. A duckling who wants to swim? Who likes swimming? The chicken doesn't like swimming. Neither does the cat. Nor does the lady of the house. What kind of person could ever enjoy such a thing? And you can't lay eggs? Or purr? Or give out sparks? What good are you then? Instead of wasting time talking nonsense about putting your head under water you should be learning to do something useful. How often are we made to feel like absolute weirdos for being different? It's often only when we finally meet "our people" that we realize there was nothing wrong with us to begin with.

"Then he felt quite ashamed, and hid his head under his wings, for he did not know what to to; he was so happy, and yet not at all proud. He thought how he had been persecuted and despised; and now he heard them saying that he was the most beautiful of all birds."

But by then the damage is done. Even if we rejoice in having found the place where we belong, that is, the people we belong with (and appreciate them even more for having been around unwelcoming people), there is always a voice within that whispers "you're not good enough". After years of being told you're ugly it's hard to just believe when you're finally treated as a beautiful creature, worthy of love and respect. I mean, just the fact that society treats you differently based on your outside appearance is wrong in and of itself, but even when you become "beautiful", deep inside you feel unworthy of the value you've now been given. And I think we also become aware of the hypocrisy of it all and are therefore annoyed at the compliments and positive attention because you know just how unfair and meaningless it all is. There's more to a person than beauty and everyone should be treated with love and respect regardless of what they look like. A personality that values different things (if they don't hurt anyone) should not be bullied into learning to behave and appreciate only what others do. What a boring world that would be!

And, to finish this off, here's a sentence I found very amusing: